In the midst of high-level competition, during a journey toward that all-important scholarship, or even in that first game after your young player has finally and officially begun to be recruited by that powerhouse university or college, a potentially dangerous mindset can overtake them. Trust me, I know. Here's a personal anecdote…
Acquaintances of mine have often asked me, upon learning that I once pitched professionally, what it felt like to surrender a home run. They've asked me what went through my head as the batter rounded the bases. In answering, I tell them that a few violent thoughts would zip through my mind, most certainly, but that I also would sometimes recite to myself a poem. You see, I long ago wrote this poem that rather succinctly and successfully sums up the sentiments of such a situation:
The pitcher wonders
As another of his blunders
Finds its way into the left field seats,
"At my eulogy, what will they say?
Will they speak of me as a son,
As a brother,
Father to my children,
Husband to their mother,
Or will they simply state my ERA?"
This poem can perhaps help you understand just how crazy the game of baseball can make a kid…hell, even an adult, regardless of position. Ballplayers are often head-cases to begin with. They sometimes fly just wide of the foul poles that set the parameters of rationality. Moreover, they often begin to not only define themselves solely by the way in which they perform, but they begin to believe, as well, that others define them in the very same way. It's pathetic, really, but it's true. They, for some reason, only feel good about themselves and worthy enough to be around other people when things are going well. I fell prey to this mindset too often, frankly, and in hindsight, I truly wish someone had grabbed me along the way and taught me how to look at things differently.
So how, as parents / coaches / mentors / friends / teammates, can we help young players struggling with self-worth? What can we recommend to those young Big E's teetering on the brink of pulling out their own hair? My suggestion, though rather simple, is to work with them on redefining success. You MUST redefine success with them. In other words, the outcome / reward should not be their main focus. Rather, the prime focus should be on the process toward the outcome. Put even simpler, get your youngsters to 1) focus solely on the task at hand, 2) embrace the process of improvement or the process of working toward a goal, and 3) equate effort to respect, namely self-respect.
Doing these three things will put your young players in a position to walk off the field at the end of the proverbial nine innings with heads not only high, but also filled with proper, healthy perspective. After all, games, even those perceived as truly "high-stakes" and / or "all-important" during your young players' recruitment, are just that. They are games, and they are meant to be fun.
Disclaimer: Big E, good friends with Showcase U superstars Jake Chapman and Chad Durbin, is not a licensed therapist. He has also spent far too many nights in seedy motels that only wish they were Holiday Inns. Big E, however, has, on occasion, channeled his inner Dr. Phil and counseled youths on the dangers of using the word "like" too much in both their conversations, and even worse, in their attempts at formal writing. But, ever upbeat, Big E does not, like, weep, like you know, for the future.